New York

         At the age of ten, my family made abrupt decision to pick up everything and move from Texas to New York. In years past, I had been the girl who had many thoughts but never spoke of them to anyone but my family. I was shy, insecure, and lonely. I had no friends, and most of the time sat or played by myself at recess. This move they spoke about frightened me. Sure enough, all my fears came true and we moved to New York.

         I was enrolled in school and went through the patterns of a normal fifth grade student, except at that time most people had all there friends and didn’t want a new girl to come in and mess everything up. I came home in tears and would just cry. I continued to beat myself down, why wasn’t I good enough, was I not  “cool” enough, what was I doing wrong? I was never able to find the answers to these questions. My daily routine was set in place, go to school, be made fun of, and then go home and cry. However I never understood that what the other students were doing wasn’t my fault. I always blamed myself, and I was always thought that I was at fault for why they hated me.

         All my feelings started to cause a spiral effect. I started to resent my parents for the move to this obnoxious place called New York, I locked myself in my room after school day to day, crying myself to sleep, I had no one and I was lost. This feeling was new to me, it’s like being all alone thrown out into the unknown wilderness and told to find your own way to survive. I was in a deep state of depression and never thought any one could help me. I never saw the attempt of the people trying to help because I was so set that it was my fault. I had a direct way of thinking and it was very one sided. Instead of doing something about what was going on, the bullying, I started to feel bad for myself. I saw everything as an attack, and thought my parents would never understand.

 As I grew up and attended counseling, I soon realized I was completely wrong. There was no point for my to be going through life alone. I no longer thought of myself running through the wilderness with no guide, I now had my counselor, my parents, and my sister helping me through everything and guiding me through my fears, the bullying, and all my other emotions going on inside of me. I was no longer alone. For the first time I learned it was okay to have my own thoughts, to be myself, and to speak up. It was at that point that I stood up for what bullying was doing to me emotionally. I learned how to be confident, and it felt as if my little world had fireworks exploding in it. My life was forever changed the day I lost all my insecurities and realized I didn’t have to face this terrifying world alone.